A few 2010 resolutions for NASCAR's top drivers

A few 2010 resolutions for NASCAR's top drivers
By Raygan Swan, NASCAR.COM
January 1, 2010
12:23 PM EST
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Go to church more often, work harder, eat healthier and lose weight ...

The list of New Year's resolutions go on and on, however, it's a widely known fact that four out of five individuals who make said promises fail.

I'm certainly one of those four. Last year at this time I vowed to go to the gym at least three times a week. It was another pointless promise as I was pregnant by mid-January and sedentary until October.

Now working from home with a three-month-old boy I have affectionately dubbed "the Warden," I resolve to no longer get in bed with dried puke in my cleavage or reek of Baby Magic. That's not so much for my own personal hygiene -- I'm too tired to care -- but more for the sake of my marriage.

Returning from maternity leave this week, I'm forced to close my current edition of Parents magazine and open my laptop. But after nearly three months of baby bliss without the smallest mention of Dale Earnhardt Jr. or Danica Patrick, the only thing my mom brain can handle at this point is the topic of trivial New Year's resolutions.

I'm not ready to debate next season's inevitable rule changes or attendance rates. I am, however, willing to share with you a day dream I had about the futile, ritualistic decrees. It involved a handful of my favorite drivers who, I think, could benefit from a resolution or two. And if they can't keep their promises, I suppose there's always next year. Here are my thoughts, tongue-in-cheek, anyway.

Resolution No. 1

Kurt Busch resolves to make no mention of his anatomy on national television in 2010.

Recall Watkins Glen International?

"We had a good car. I was real proud of my team's effort. ... We had a car that could maneuver and we just were stuck behind guys. [Max] Papis at the end, I knew we were going to ... 'Alright, whose balls are bigger; let's see who's got what.'" (Post-race reactions: Watkins Glen)

Thanks KB but I'd rather not.

Resolution No. 2

Kasey Kenneth Kahne resolves to change his middle name.

He can change it to any name that begins with a letter other than K. Pottery Barn refused to monogram the towels I bought for him this holiday season! If he wants to keep the alliteration, might I suggest Carl?

Resolution No. 3

Speaking of Carl Edwards, the father-to-be resolves to read What to Expect When You're Expecting front to back.

He also learns the Ferber method and resolves to read what Dr. Sears has to say about sleep training. Just ask Jeff Gordon what it is like to sleep with a restless infant in the confines of a motor home. Carl thought the 2009 season was tough? Add parenting to the list of at-track activities. (Carl, call me if you have a meltdown, "the Warden" sleeps through the night now.)

Resolution No. 4

Danica Patrick resolves to eat a donut and maybe a piece of pizza in 2010.

How do you grow up in the Midwest, the Fat Belt of America, and never try Krispy Kreme donuts? If your crew chief sends you eight boxes of the glossy gems, you better eat one; it's the hospitable thing to do.

From Patrick's recent press conference: "I was talking to Tony Eury Jr., who is going to be my crew chief, and I had never had a Krispy Kreme doughnut. I was getting ready for a photo shoot a few weeks ago, and I couldn't eat the pizza that was there. So he said, 'after your photo shoot, I'm going to send you some Krispy Kreme doughnuts.' And sure enough, I was at a photo shoot the day after and I had eight boxes of Krispy Kreme doughnuts."

I admire her restraint. This is why Patrick can be photographed in barely-there attire. Me? Not so much as a bare shoulder, it's always a head shot only. Damn donuts!

Resolution No. 5

A.J. Allmendinger resolves to teach his dog how to drive.

Stranger things have happened. I mean, the Labrador learned to act in Marley and Me and even helped her master campaign for a bid into NASCAR's All Star race. Just remember, when you mix alcohol with automobiles, trouble will follow. Always make sure your best friend is there to drive you home.

Happy New Year everyone!